The World Once Without You
by Jay1892
Summary: A continuation of the Doujin "Stumbleine" Alfred was convinced he couldn't save him. He had tried and failed too many times. Arthur was meant to die yet here he was in front of him. Time was such a silly thing.
1. Chapter 1

**WARNING! BEFORE YOU READ THIS FANFICTION READ THE DOUJIN "STUMBLEINE" OR YOU WILL NOT GET THE STORY AND OR SPOIL IT FOR YOURSELF! DO NOT READ UNLESS YOU HAVE READ "STUMBLEINE" **

**http: / community. Live journal. com/ hukaka /8102. Html (****remove spaces)**

Memories are indeed a hard burden to bear, aren't they? Every single one of them is like a little weight that the world puts on your shoulders, but their heaviness is determined by how nice the memory is. We go through life with these weights bearing down on us, their mass slowly growing heavier and heavier as time slips on by. Sometimes when I walk down the street I'll see an old man teetering along with his wrinkled face all grim as he hunches over himself, his shoulders slumped. He must have had a long and troubled life to have that much weight on him. Sometimes I'll see a kid, a teenage boy no older than fourteen who walks with a spring in his step and his shoulders held back and high as if the world is just dancing at his fingertips. So young and naïve he is. The memories of life haven't gotten to him yet. And then it makes me wonder. Years and years from now will that same happy-go-lucky boy somehow end up like the hunched over old man with the grim face? Everyone says life is short and it's true it is, but at the same time it seems of so much longer as the memories being to pile up.

I'm only twenty six years old, but already my shoulders are struggling not to cave in over the memories I carry on them. Well it's not so much memories as memory. Of course no one knows this because they'd think me crazy if I ever told them, but… I once altered time itself to stop my boyfriend from dying in a freak traffic accident.

It's crazy, it's impossible, it's far-fetched, and downright insane I know, I know, I know, but… it's true. It's one hundred percent truth and I would bet my life on it. How can I travel through time you ask? Well I'll tell you it's not from spinning counter clock wife as fast as you possibly can like in the cartoons. It's because I am a genius and geniuses create revolutionary machines don't they?

I had been working on my time machine since I was sixteen years old and at first it was merely a project to revolutionize the world, to prove to everyone that I was genius, and to prove to myself that I could actually pull it off. Well I did. But all of those reasons changed when Arthur was killed. After that my entire reason for finishing that machine was so that I could stop us from ever meeting and I could stop him from ever dying.

There was a time or two I failed to go back as far as I wanted to and I would end up at the same scene where the accident happened. I would blend in with the stoic, grim faces of the onlookers and watch my past-self wail and cry over the mauled and mangled body of the one I held so dear. I watched my past-self clutch onto his hand, feeling the warmth leave his finger tips and watching the light leave his once brilliant green eyes. I had been here hundreds of times before not in time, but in the unending nightmare that plague me every night. Hundreds of times I would wake to tears staining my cheeks and pillow and have this unbearable ache eating away at my heart.

It would have been better if we had never met. If I stopped us from ever being together he wouldn't have been holding hands with me on that snowy winter day. He wouldn't have received that stupid watch from me as a first year anniversary gift. He wouldn't have taken off that watch, dropped it by mistake, and been hit in his hesitation. It was all a result of me that his life had ended at the young age of twenty six. I would've done anything to let him lead a long and happy life even if it meant cutting myself out of the picture. But… I failed.

Despite my attempt to assuage my past-self into not getting involved him I still failed. To my young nineteen year old self the lure of a foreign student from the UK- the one with the cute over grown eye brows, the disheveled gold blonde hair, and those shining emerald eyes- was too great. He would die again on out one year anniversary and I would put my-past self through the same misery and despair I had drowned myself in a hundred times over. I failed myself, but more importantly I had failed him.

Or so I had thought.

I had given up. I was convinced that no matter how much I tried there was no way I could alter the past enough so Arthur would remain alive. Unknowing of what I had done I met up with my past-self one last time in attempts to give it one last shot. The past-me refused to listen to me so in a brief last thought I handed him a little note with a formula. A formula that I remember nearly killing myself over when I was in high school. I was done. I had fought many battles and yet I had still lost the war. Arthur was going to die and there was nothing I could to do stop it.

Three months after I had accepted my failure I accepted a job teaching astrophysics at Columbia University in New York City. It was time I stopped dwelling in the past I couldn't change and move to the future that was still warm, malleable clay in my hands. As I walked through the halls with my new found friend, the French teacher Francis, I felt drawn. Drawn to an ajar door that lead to an empty lecture hall where I caught a glimpse at the back of a golden blonde man's form. My heart fluttered in my chest and I felt my breathing become irregular. I had to be seeing things. Of course I had to. Arthur's memory had haunted me many a time and this time could be no different. Right?

Wrong.

Francis had noticed the way I lingered by the door way and looked in the room curiously to see what had caught my eye so drastically. "What is it?" He asked curiously as he poked his head in the door and looked at the teacher erasing the black board at the pit of the lecture hall. "Ah, I suppose I should introduce you two." He said as he allowed himself into the room and began walking down the steps to the pit. My feet felt as heavy as cement, but they moved and in due time I shuffled after Francis down the stairs. "Alfred, I'd like to introduce you to our English literature teacher," My heart leapt into my throat, my stomach flipped like an Olympic gymnast, my palms grew clammy, and I felt weak in the knees. This couldn't be. This couldn't be. I struggled so hard and long to save him and I was so sure I had failed, but….

The teacher turned to give me a side way glance, the curve of his lithe form so perfectly accented by the vest he wore. My heart stopped mid beat as a pair of brilliant green orbs met my own and my world came crumbling down around me as if everything I had just worked for and accepted was blown back up in my face. Everything I had come to know was a vain lie. "Mr. Arthur Kirkland." Francis proclaimed as he gestured to the man looking at me.

Arthur glanced over at me with that indifferent yet curious and wise gaze that had won me over in the first place. His hair was as disheveled as ever and his eyebrows just as thick. He held himself in the same proper fashion with his spine straight as a ruler and his shoulders back; his limbs still long, slender, and elegant. "Alfred F. Jones…" He looked at me quizzically. I was surprised I didn't pass out then and there at the beautiful sound of his accented voice, a sound I swore I would never hear again. "It's been awhile since I've seen you." He proclaimed as he gazed over me one more time.

"So you know each other?" Francis inquired, his own blue eyes flickering between the two of us.

Arthur looked me expectantly as if he was waiting for me to answer, but my throat was so tight and choked up from the mere sight of him I couldn't form any words. "We were friends in high school but then you finished your machine during senior year and after that we went to separate schools and you went straight off to work with NASA." He gave me another quizzical glance, wondering why I didn't remember any of this important information.

And just like that all my memories flood back so quickly it made my head spin momentarily. That was right. After receiving the formula- the one I had spent months working on- from me my past-self was able to complete the time machine in less time than what it had taken me. I had completed the time machine just as my senior year had ended and after that I went off to work with NASA while Arthur went his own way and to a different university. I hadn't seen Arthur in what felt like eternity and over. I had completely convinced myself he was dead, yet here he was standing in front of me. Because my past-self had finished the machine a lot earlier than expected he never went to college with Arthur and it was in college that I fell in love with Arthur in the first place.

I had unknowingly saved his life all by simply handing a piece of paper with a few scrawled numbers to my past-self. I had spent days, weeks, months convincing myself that I was incapable of saving Arthur. I had caused myself so much sorrow and so much grief about that factor and yet here he was alive. Alive and well and teaching at a prestigious university.

I could hardly believe it.

"Well if you'll excuse me…" Arthur began as he turned away. No… no…. He couldn't go. Not yet. This was the first time I had seen him in so long. I couldn't bear to part with him.

"No!" I exclaimed reaching out for him and grabbing him by the wrist, desperate to keep him here. He looked at me, brows furrowed and a signature scowl I hadn't seen in ages tugging down on the corners of his thin pink lips. "Sorry...I… I mean… would you like to get lunch sometime?" I said feeling a tad bit embarrassed by my outburst as I let go of his arm. I wasn't losing him. Not again. Not ever, ever again. I would grab him and hold and never let go.

He gazed over me, scrutinizing my face with that intense emerald stare. "Well… I suppose lunch would be fine, it'll give us time to catch up." He gave the slightest of smiles and I felt my heart swell.

There was so much to catch up on. So, so much.

**So this fan fiction is a continuation of the doujinshi "Stumbleine" by Hakuku on Deviant Art. I fell in love with this doujin fully and completely and I asked her permission to make a continuation of where the Doujin left off. This will be multi-chaptered, but it probably won't be very long.**

**Sorry if the dialogue isn't exact to the doujin, but the computer at school has blocked the website with the comic so I don't have a reference only what I remember from the multiple times I've read the doujin.**

**Comments always = love! Thanks! **


	2. Chapter 2

How nervous can one man possibly be? I must've asked myself that question twenty thousand times while going out to lunch with Arthur. He knew the local eateries better than I did and suggested a nearby café that was in walking distance from the University. It was cold that afternoon. All the trees were bare and stripped of their leaves and the crisp yet stale scent of winter hung in the air along with faint scent of smoking chimneys. It seemed that even an alteration in time couldn't stop Arthur's mature fashion sense. He wore a deep grey pea coat that wrapped around his waist with a belt; accenting his good figure.

I was so nervous. So nervous I felt the undying urge to stumble over to the bushes and just throw up whatever was in my stomach at that point in time. My hands sweat furiously in the pockets of my coat. My heart fluttered and beat rapidly in my chest. My head felt as if it was going to explode with the thousands of thoughts that were running through it.

It was him. It was really him. God damn he was just as hot, sexy, and attractive as I remember. Still has those thick eye brows, but I always did think they were kinda cute. I wonder if his personality is the same. It seems that way so far. I wonder if he's mad at me because I didn't go to the same college as him or maybe he just doesn't care that much.

Arthur looked over at me, his gaze curious yet cautious of my own gaze as he walked beside me. I panicked. Oh god he thought I was weird. I wasn't saying anything to him. I asked him out to lunch and I wasn't even a good dining partner. I just kept staring at him like some awestruck teenaged girl who had just met Justin Beiber or something like that. I must've come off as a total creep! Now he wasn't ever going to talk to me ever again after today and then I'd lose him forever just like before!

"Are you alright?" He inquired more so out of general curiosity than concern. "You've been awfully quite. Not the chatter box you used to be, huh?"

"W-what? Oh no, I… I uh…" What was I supposed to say? I'm just at a loss for words because I thought you were dead because I failed to alter time and now you're here haunting me with that beautiful stare of yours? I think something like that would definitely earn me a label of I'm-never-talking-to-you-again-weirdo. "It's… It's just been a long time since I've seen you…. It's nice to see that you're doing so good." I said.

A slight smile played on his thin lips. "And still as unsightly with your grammar as ever I see. It's 'doing so well' not 'doing so good.'"

"Right…" Him and his proper British way of speaking. I used to get aggravated when he corrected the way I spoke, but today it couldn't have made me any happier. Just to hear him correcting me again was more uplifting than anything I had ever experienced. "So… you know what I've been up to lately," My name seemed to be in papers everywhere. "What about you?"

He pursed his lips softly, looking up to the grey winter sky for a moment as he gave it a moment of thought. "Well not much I supposed. Nothing as exciting or glamorous as what you've been up to. Of course." We both laughed a little. "Well I went to college after you left, Columbia actually, and I got my teaching degree in English Literature, became Valedictorian of my class. I taught at Yale for two years, but it just didn't seem like where I wanted to be. So I came back here to Columbia and I've been teaching here for the past two years." It made me sad to think about how Arthur's life has been going on without me there with him. But it wasn't like he knew the difference. He didn't know that there was actually an intimate relationship between the two of us in an alternate time stream.

"So you like teaching here?" I asked giving my head a quick jerk back towards the direction of the school.

He nodded his head. "Yes I do. Although I'm really not a big fan of the city and the crowds Columbia is in a nice area were there isn't so much hustle and bustle." He explained moving to put his gloved hands into the pockets of his pea coat. "I feel good about myself teaching here. I learned so much from this school myself and now it feels like I can give something back to it." A near angelic smile graced his lips. His eyes shone like the precious gems they were. He seemed so serene and content with life and it made me feel so happy to see that he was as well.

I looked at the life Arthur was able to have without me in the picture. If I had left the time the way it was four years ago Arthur would have been buried on a miserably rainy day at the young age of only twenty two. If I hadn't completed my machine earlier than planned he would've been hit by that car and would've died with dozens of people staring him down in the streets. If I had loved him none of this would've happened and I would be isolated and alone just like before forced to live with the knowledge that I caused his death.

Trying to contemplate all that what ifs and the maybes made my head spin softly and I took a moment to fight the monsters and shadows back into the cage of my mind.

"Well that's awesome Artie, I'm glad things have been going so _well_ for you." I corrected myself, putting emphasis on the 'well' just to mess around with him.

"You're still a git. My name remains Ar-_thur _, not Art _-ie_." His replied back smartly, his green eyes glowing under his thick furrowed brows.

I laughed at first, not realizing how much I missed this interaction between us, but it soon died down and my stomach twisted uncomfortably. This seemed oddly familiar. So much in fact it made my entire body feel numb and unresponsive. On the day Arthur had died it had been just like this. Winter hung in the air and reddened our cheeks and noses. Arthur was becoming annoyed with me because I insisted that I should call him by the proper name he was given. What was worse… we were approaching a cross walk.

Ever since the accident I always found myself reluctant to ever cross the street. When I approached the curb my stomach would always twist and squeeze, my heart would palpitate, and my throat would go dry. Of course though you can't go through life without crossing roads.

As we approached the cement curb I felt all the things I normally felt, but seeing Arthur next to me made everything seem magnified. I felt that same sickening nervousness churning in my gut. Tiny shivers shot up and down the length of my spinal column, making my legs feel as weak as boiled pasta. My throat became as dry as the desert sands and I found even swallowing a most difficult task to perform. What if it happened again? I had just gotten Arthur back. I couldn't bear to go through all of it again. If that happened I don't think I'd have the strength to pick up all the broken pieces. I be broken forever without any hope of being fixed.

Arthur seemed to notice my obvious discomfort; a stark change compared to more free spirited attitude I had been displaying before. He looked at me curiously with those glowing green eyes, his brows furrowed and his lips tugged down into a slight frown. "Are… are you alright? You seem awfully tense all of a sudden…" He said.

"I-I… I uh… I just have… t-trouble at crosswalks…" It even amazed me just how horribly choked up and strained my voice sounded. Actually I was amazed at the fact I hadn't passed out by now with how much my stomach turned and how much my head spun and throbbed.

Arthur seemed confused, but of course when he knew me in high school I had always displayed a bravado that was only second to that of superman and now here I was terrified to simply cross the street. "O-Oh well… Don't worry, it's fine. You'll be fine."

It wasn't myself that I was worried about. I had to stop. I had to take a moment to breathe before I collapsed onto the concrete sidewalk in a fit of hyperventilation. "I-I'm sorry it's just… s-someone I was really close to… d-died when crossing the street…"

I heard a small gasp escape Arthur's lips as my odd behavior was explained. "Oh… I'm… I'm very sorry to hear that, Alfred…." It seemed as if he wasn't really sure how to go about handling this situation. I was border line panic attack about crossing a stupid street. How would anyone react to that? "We don't have to cross the street if you're that uncomfortable. I know a café on this side of the street too…" It seemed as if he was trying to comfort me, placing his soft hand on my shoulder. "Why don't you just sit down for a moment?" He suggested, prompting towards a nearby empty bench. I nodded weakly and allowed myself to be moved, plopping down onto the bench in relief that my unstable legs were no longer the thing holding me up.

Arthur gingerly sat himself down on the bench next to me, keeping his hand on my shoulder comfortingly. "It's alright, Alfred. Just relax and breathe for a moment." I could hear the pity in his voice as he slumped over myself, burying my face in my hands. I breathed in through my nose and out my mouth making the breaths deep and even just like my brother had told me to do. I was fine. Arthur was fine. We were both fine so I just had to cool my jets.

After many deep breaths I felt that I was calm enough to speak, "I'm sorry about that… it just really gets to me every time." I felt like an idiot. It would be a lot better if I was afraid of something a bit more threatening than crossing the street. "You must think I' weird or something…" I could feel a little blush creeping over my cheeks in my embarrassment.

"No, no don't worry about and you're not weird. Phobias are not something to be taken lightly." I knew full well that Arthur himself was border line phobic of dirt and germs so it was only natural he would sympathize with me. It felt good. I mean having his hand soothingly placed on my shoulder. The warmth of his skin radiating even through the material of his coat. It felt good to have him comforting me just like he might have years ago. Just like he might of if we were dating again.

"It's just… like I said someone I was close to was killed when crossing the street and it's bothered me ever since." Obviously I couldn't say it was him since Arthur was most likely to have an aneurism if he heard that.

"I understand Alfred, there's no need to explain yourself." He said, giving my shoulder a little squeeze. I knew he didn't want to ask out of politeness, but he was also curious as to who this close person could be. He was completely unaware that the person I spoke of was him.

**Wow that was fast! Haha. I have two free periods one after the other in the morning at school so it's basically two hours for me to write. So lo and behold here is the next chapter hot off the presses! Thanks so much to those of you who commented, it means a lot to hear that people like the story. Now we're getting off into my twist of the story ;) **

**PS: In my head canon Arthur really does have a phobia of dirt… **


	3. Chapter 3

It didn't seem like Arthur wanted to deal with me having another panic attack since after I had finally calmed down enough to move he insisted that we go to the café on this side of the street. I didn't really blame him since I wouldn't want to deal with me either if I was hyperventilating and shaking like a little tree in a storm. But near mental break down aside Arthur watched me carefully as we walked to our new destination, scrutinizing me with those intense green eyes of his. I felt a little self-conscious with the way he staring at me like that. What was he looking at? Did I have something on my face? Was I making a weird expression?

"What's up?" I finally asked; a bit tired of feeling those burning eyes on my skin.

"Hmm, oh nothing, nothing I… I was just thinking about how your face really hasn't changed all that much…" It didn't take a genius like me to notice the little blush that crept up Arthur's fair cheeks. Was… was he checking me out? I could've nearly danced for joy if he was. But I couldn't help but wonder. I had been out of the picture for eight years now. I had a bare bones plot of what Arthur had been spending his life on, but my real interest was if he was still interested in me. Back in high school I remembered I had felt a spark between us, but back then I was naïve and had no idea what it felt like to love someone… well not in that kind of way. But now that I was new to this time stream in my life without Arthur had he moved on and found someone else to replace me?

Name, agent Alfred F. Jones. Target, Arthur Kirkland. Goal, discover if target has acquired a significant other in the past eight years. Mission status, very dangerous, proceed with caution.

I felt pretty bad ass. Like a secret agent or detective or some shit like that.

Were arrived at the café within the matter of a few minutes and we took a seat at the corner table by the window. It wasn't surprising to me when Arthur ordered a cup of tea and just as little of a surprise to him when I ordered a soda. "I see your dietary habits haven't changed much either." Arthur laughed softly as he looked over the lunch menu.

"Same goes for you. A loyal tea drinker to the end." I grinned.

"And there's nothing wrong with that. Tea is a perfectly wonderful beverage." He replied back smartly, the slightest of smiles playing on his lips. "I remember we used to have arguments over which was better, coffee or tea."

"Well it's obviously coffee. That's what got me through all my all night study sessions and machine building."

Arthur rolled his eyes. "Of course, how could I forget your wonderful procrastination habits? You'd be so hung up over that machine of yours that you'd put all your homework off to the last minute and then you'd come whining to me, asking for help with your English essay."

"Hey, I finished it didn't I? My procrastination paid off in one field at least." I said, reaching to take a sip of my coke.

Arthur hesitated in replying, some kind of feeling I couldn't recognize swirling around in his eyes. "Yes, yes you did. And I remember when you finished it. You were so terribly excited I was afraid you would explode…" He laughed softly, a nostalgic smile curled ever so slightly on the corner of his lips.

"Yeah, well I had been working on the thing for years, not to mention it was something no one had done before." I replied, my own new found reminiscent feelings swirling around. The memory came to me and I recalled it for the first time. As soon as the machine was finished Arthur was the first one I told. I didn't even tell my own parents before him, not even my own brother. Arthur had been there for me a lot when I was building that machine and I felt like the honor or knowing it first should've been his. "… You did a lot for me too Artie, y'know when I was building it."

Arthur blushed softly, "W-Well we were friends, weren't we? I just did what anyone would do…"

I was about to reply with something charming and witty, but unfortunately the universe just loves taking my thunder. The waitress came over, a different one this time, pad and pen in hand. "Good afternoon folks, my name is Jessica and I-! Oh my god!" The girl dropped the pad and pen looking at me with wide brown eyes. I knew where this was going…. "Oh my god! A-are y-you A-Alfred F. J-Jones?" She was practically trembling with excitement. I almost wanted to say no since I was still a secret agent on a mission. But what's a secret mission without a few obstacles?

"… Yup that's me." I finally sucked up my selfishness and flashed her a charming grin.

She nearly screamed. "Oh my god," Could she say that a few hundred more times? "I'm such a HUGE fan of your work with the time machine. It's so incredible! You're so incredible!" She collapsed onto her knees for a moment and for a split second I thought she passed out, but she merely grabbed her pad and pen and shot back up to shove the objects in my face. "Can I have your autograph?" I couldn't deny a pretty girl with eyes as excited as hers. I nodded and took the paper, writing her name and then quick scrawling down my signature.

"There you go." I grinned, not wanting to be rude to a loyal fan.

"Thank you! Thank you so much sir!" She skipped away, smiling broadly and squealing about how she was now in possession of a piece of paper with my name on it. Everyone in the dining room was staring at me at this point, but with the way she had screamed like that it was a wonder all of New York wasn't pressing their faces to the window to see what was happening.

Suddenly several people came up to me, asking for autographs and pictures and I couldn't help, but comply. I didn't want to come off as a mean, anti-social science freak; it would ruin my image. After several minutes of scrawling my name and having cameras flashing in my face the people subsided and crawled back to their tables finally leaving Arthur and I in peace. I was relived at first, but when I saw the look on Arthur's face I wished I had another camera flash momentarily blinding me. His lips were pulled down into a small frown, his arms folded stiffly over his slender chest. I swallowed thickly, "I uh… I'm sorry about that… it happens sometimes…."

"Of course, it's perfectly fine." That's what he said, but his eyes said something else. Look at how successful I had become without him. Look at the fame I had gathered without hearing a word from him. Look at the people who all knew my name, but didn't know the name of the man who stuck by me through the tougher times. Arthur wasn't jealous of me because of what I became, that much I was sure of, but what I could see was that he felt left behind, abandoned, and forgotten.

"Arthur I…" I started, but I trailed off as I heard one very familiar song waft from the speakers above my head making my heart flutter and my head feel light.

_Boredom's in the bathroom shakin' out the loose teeth…. Sally's in the stirrups claimin' her own destiny… _

I knew this song. I knew this song inside and out, backwards and forwards, up and down and whatever other ways you could think of. It was Stumbleine by The Smashing Pumpkins. Arthur's stern face seemed to soften if only by a little, but little was better than nothing at all. He knew this song too just as well as I did. I know he did no matter what time stream we roamed in.

Thank you Universe for restoring some of my thunder. "Hey… you remember this song right?" I asked, leaning forward on the table a bit to be closer.

_And nobody nowhere understands anything about me and all my dreams, lost at sea…_

He glanced at me for a second before he nervously averted his eyes once more, "… sounds familiar…" Just as stubborn as ever with the way he puffed his ivory cheeks out and glances away from me. But I always thought his stubborn mule attitude only added to his unique brand of charm.

_Jack it up Judy, set your heart alight. Mayfair mistress of the satellites…_

"You can't look me in the eye and tell me that you don't remember this song Artie." I said, inching ever so closer; wanting to be much closer than Arthur wanted me to be. Arthur seemed flustered for a few seconds, cheeks blossoming a vivid shade of pink, unsure of how to reply to that. His green eyes nervously darted back and forth like a rabbits as he assessed the situation.

"Well… I suppose I remember it a little bit." Still stubborn as a jackass but also managing to remain adorable in the process.

"C'mon Artie, don't break my heart here." I said; giving him the best 'kicked puppy' look I could manage. In the time stream when we had dated Arthur always melted into a puddle of mush every single time I made my eyes wide and begging made my lower lips quiver.

_Misspent youth faking up a rampage to hold off the real slaves, paid off and staid. _

He looked away from me for a few moments before he finally sighed. "Yes… yes I remember insufferable git, now stop looking at me like that." He huffed softly as he shifted in his seat. Oh yes, of course he did because he could never forget. Both of us couldn't no matter how many times time was altered. Back in high school Arthur had spent many a day at my house, sitting in the lab with me while he did his homework and I worked on the machine. Though one particular day I had been hung up over a formula, the very one that had saved Arthur in this time stream, and being alone was the last thing I had wanted.

As Arthur was leaving the lab I clung to him, arms securely wrapped around his waist as held onto him like a life preserver. I couldn't be alone with my thoughts. Not like this and Arthur understood. When I couldn't think Arthur would grab out his guitar and play me this song and suddenly my thoughts of the unknown would melt away with the stress like snow during spring and I would feel at ease. It was his song, it was our song and it was still number one in my mind even after all these years.

"_And what you never knew can never get to you, so fake it…" _I sang along with the words softly, gazing into the glorious green eyes that I had longed to once again stare into.

It felt so ironic. That one line of the song I mean. Arthur didn't know what happened to him in the time stream we were originally from. He never would know either. I would put on an act and go to every which length to make sure he never found out what I had done to save him. What he didn't know wouldn't hurt him, right? Besides, how many couples got the chance to fall in love all over again?

_I'll be your stumbleine; I'll be your super queen and make you…_. 

**Yeaaahhh…. To be honest I really don't like the way this chapter turned out. I'm kind of having a bit of writer's block plus I'm really stressed with applying to colleges and waiting eagerly for acceptance letters. It's driving me nuts _ But please forgive me. The next chapter will be longer I promise. **__


	4. Chapter 4

1Arthur and I never went out again like we did the first day I saw him. In fact I hardly saw him at all. We worked in two separate departments putting our schedules completely out of sync. I would occasionally see him passing by in the hallway on his way to his next lecture or to make copies of a paper and I would stop to say hi to him. We only ever exchanged a few brief words- and a few times I tried to ask him to lunch again- but then he would say that he was either late or busy and would disappear around a corner or into a crowd of people, eyes downcast to the floor.

I felt horrible, one hundred and ten percent horrible. I thought I had finally gotten Arthur back from the clutches of time and death itself and I felt like we would become fast friends like before and then fall in love like we were supposed to in college, but so far my plans weren't working so well. That depressed me. Despite being in the greatest city in the world, working in one of its most prestigious schools, being the inventor of the very first time machine and having millions of dollars now sitting in my bank accounts because of it I still moped and sulked. It was needless to say I confused a lot of people.

Still I taught and tried my best to seem cheerful to my students. They were kind of depending on me to teach them everything they needed to know about being an astrophysicist so they could get jobs and lead long successful lives. I couldn't let them down. So I taught them the formulas, the chemicals, the different studies and scientists, but somehow it always lead back to the same question. "How did you build your time machine?" I was asked that question at least ten times every day by various people. I would always smile and laugh saying that it was a secret. The next leading question was "Why did you build your time machine?" to which I also answered that it was a secret. I was honestly getting sick of answering a question that I would never really give the true answer to.

"Alright, so say you want to figure out the amount of propulsion you need to get an aircraft of let's say… three tons off the ground you'd use this formula…" I explained as I grabbed a piece of chalk off the ledge of chalkboard, writing down the formula I knew by heart. It had been a month since I had started teaching at Columbia. Despite my depression over Arthur I was actually enjoying teaching after all it was something I've wanted to try for a while. I had already been confessed love to by five female students and even another teacher to which I of course turned down with the first reason being I was their teacher (and that would totally not be cool) and second reason that in actuality I was gay.

"Mr. Jones?" I heard from one of the higher up rows of the lecture seats. I turned my head to see one of the students, Zach was his name if I remembered correctly, raising his hand eagerly. Now he… he was the worst with the questions.

I repressed a loud sigh, "Yeah? What is it, Zach?"

"I know you keep saying it's a secret and all," here it came. "But what exactly is time like? Have you traveled through it before? Is it like some kind of interstellar vortex?" of course.

I pressed my lips together, putting my chalk back down on the ledge with more force than was really necessary. A few front row students flinched, "Okay, I've been putting up with it, but I'm getting a little tired of it now. Guys, I really can't explain time. Based on what the government's told me I can't. All I can say is that… time is like a piece of movie film. It's just a bunch of pictures put together and moving at a fast pace so it looks smooth. That's pretty much it." Everyone was quiet and kind of just looked at each other, a few people shifted in their seats.

I sighed again, moving to my desk at the center of the platform before flopping down into my chair; the wheels shifting a bit with my weight. "Okay…. I don't mean to sound annoyed or anything, but there really is nothing I can tell you about how it works. I just want to clear that up so everyone will stop asking." It was silent again for a few moments before Zach raised his hand again; a little less eagerly this time around. "Yes… Zach?" I said, more pleasantly this time.

"If you can't tell us how can you tell us why?" And then all eyes were on me. All fifty three of my students were all staring down at me from their seats in the lecture hall.

I scratched the back of my neck, "Well… at first I just wanted to see if I could, but then…" I trailed off somehow getting lost in my memories as I tended to do. "There was this… accide-!" I nearly jumped out of my chair when the shrill sound of the bell pulled me out of my thoughts. Class was over. "I uh… A-alright guys read chapter six in your text books for tomorrow and answer all the questions on page 221 and please don't ask me about the machine again tomorrow." All the kids packed up their books and laptops, chatter breaking out like wildfire, while they all shuffled through the one exit door and were gone for the afternoon.

I leaned back in my chair, finally getting to kick my feet up on its surface and letting out that long frustrated sigh I've been holding back. I wasn't sure how much of this I could handle. I usually wasn't one to get so stressed and frustrated so easily, but with what had been happening with Arthur I just really felt like crap. Quite frankly I didn't even feel like moving from my chair. "Interesting lecture…" A voice floated down from the top of the stairs, a voice I knew all too well. Sure enough when I looked to the stairs Arthur was up there standing with his arms folded over his chest and his one hip (which were rather prominent might I add) popped out slightly to the side.

"Don't tell me you heard that…" I said slightly out of humor and slightly out of nervousness that maybe he was piecing things together (which was also just my paranoia talking).

"Just that last bit really." He replied as he began making his way down the stairs; his hips swishing ever so slightly from side to side as he moved. He always had such a swagger when he walked and it still drove me crazy even after so many years. "I figure that the students are still buzzing around you like insects?" An amused smile played on those perfect lips of his.

"Nothing I'm not used to already. Not that I don't love attention, but they're really starting to get to me." I sighed softly; smiling as well as I moved my feet down from the top of my desk.

"I'm surprised," He replied, finally making it down the many stairs and sashaying his way over to my desk. "You were always the attention grabber back in high school. Always pulling some kind of dangerous and or stupid stunt just so people would know your name."

"The world loves a bit of irony. Now I wish I could just have one hour where someone didn't ask me about the time machine." I laughed a bit and Arthur did as well.

"So other than that how have you been fairing? Not getting horribly lost on campus are you?" He asked as he came up and leaned on my desk a little.

"I've gotten lost a few times- it is a big campus after all- but I eventually find my way back to something familiar." I replied; watching as Arthur picked a pencil up from my desk and started mindlessly fiddling with it.

"Well that's good to hear. But no need to feel worried about it; all the rest of us here got lost as well during the first few weeks.

It was quiet again. I watched Arthur carefully as he fiddled with the pencil; his green eyes observing it as if it had been the most interesting thing he ever saw. I knew this act; I had seen him do it a million times before. He became absorbed in the most ordinary thing just because he wanted to say something, but didn't know how to go about saying it. "… Is something up? You seem kinda out of it." I asked, meaning to sound polite for asking.

Arthur shrugged his shoulders a little, "I suppose not," He said. "Why do I really seem out of it?"

I also shrugged my shoulders, "Not really," I replied. "You just look tried is all." I could see the dark spots circling the underside of his eyes. They weren't really noticeable, but I could definitely see them. Remember in the other time stream I had dated this man and new his every quirk and secret.

He breathed a soft sigh out of his nose, "… I haven't been sleeping very well as of late. I keep having this dream… well more so nightmare. I just can't seem to get it out of my mind." He said, continuing to fiddle with the pencil.

"Nightmare?" I echoed. "What about?" Now was my chance to come in like a knight on a white horse; reliving him of his troubles and letting him vent. Not only was this a good opportunity to lure him back to me, but I really was concerned about him. I knew how he got frustrated easily and let the littlest things grow bigger and bigger into horrible monsters that made it hard for him to sleep.

"I don't want to bore you with the details. It's probably nothing…" Being stubborn and strong as ever. He always was the most difficult person to get to talk about their feelings.

"Don't bottle it up, y'know that's bad for you," He seemed to perk up slightly at the saying I always used to use whenever he wouldn't talk; staring at me with confusion swirling around in his green eyes. "… Something wrong…?" I asked slightly nervously.

"N-no… I just… got the strangest sense of déjà vu…" He said softly, placing the pencil down on the desk and leaving the wooden graphite filled object alone.

"Oh…" I replied. Honestly that worried me a little when he looked at me like that. I knew I had retained memories of the time stream where we had been in love, but that was only because I was the one who traveled in time. As far as I knew no one else should have been even the slightest bit suspicious of the altered time stream. "Well I guess it happens sometimes." I laughed to help shake off some of the tension that had suddenly settled between us. "So anyway, about this nightmare, do you wanna talk about it? I mean you don't have to, but I'm all ears if you do. I always find that talking about a problem helps me feel better about it." Hypocrite me. I had my biggest problem looming over my head and yet I hadn't told a single soul about it. I hadn't even told my brother Matthew since his memories of the old time stream were also gone now.

"Well…" He started, clearly still unsure if whether or not he should be talking about this with me. "It's always snowing… and I'm always with someone else, but their face is kind of hazy. We're walking in a place that I know I've never been to before, but it seems strangely familiar. I'm crossing the street and I this horrible feeling that I've forgotten something... and I turn around and..." I found myself holding my breath, my insides clenching, and my heart racing as I listened to Arthur's horribly familiar dream.

"Pain... I'm in this terrible amount of pain. I can't breathe... I can't think... All these shadows start gathering around me and all I can hear are muffled screams and... sirens. The person I was with is standing over me, but his face is still fuzzy. He's shouting something to me, but I can't hear him... I suddenly feel so scared and so cold and I feel like the life is draining from me..." I knew what this was; I knew all too well what this was. I felt my hands trembling and my eyes stinging. I wanted to cry so badly, but I remained resolute and tried my best to continuing listening to his dream.

"I look back up at the man's face and... I feel better, better that he's here with me. All I want to do is hold him and tell him everything will be alright, but... I can't. Then everything fades away to darkness and... I wake up." I nearly cried. I could feel my eyes still stinging, but the tears wouldn't come. I just stared up at Arthur in complete disbelief of what he was saying. I knew damn well what the nightmare was about because I had been on that same street so many times before night after night. He shouldn't have had memories from that time stream, but... somehow he did. They were still there, but he just didn't realize they were memories and not part of a dream. They had somehow transcended through the very vortex of time itself and came back to him. I was both amazed and horrified at the same time. Just to hear him say what his last thoughts were before he died... that was enough to make me collapse on my knees and sob.

I had to so something. I had to say something. He was staring at me again with a nervous look on his face like maybe what he said we disturbing to me (which it was, but not for the reason he was thinking of). "A-Arthur I-!" I never got to finish my sentence.

"Ah! Arthur there you are!" Both of our heads whipped around to see Francis standing at the top of the stairs near the door. "What are you doing, Gregory has been looking everywhere for you."

"Oh bullocks, I must have lost track of time. Sorry to leave so suddenly, Alfred, but I really must get going." And Arthur was gone. He rushed up the stairs and was out the door before I had a chance to say anything else.

Francis made his way down the stairs; hands shoved in the pockets of his khaki pants. "That's an awful shame," He said. "It seemed as though you too were really getting along."

I sighed, leaning back in my seat and trying to calm myself down from my encounter with Arthur, "Well... when a student needs you a student needs you I guess..."

Francis gazed over at me and arched one pale blonde brow, "Student? Gregory isn't a student." He said as if that was common knowledge around here.

"... Then who's Gregory?" I asked.

"Arthur's boyfriend." I could have died.


	5. Chapter 5

I woke up in a place that was painfully familiar. I had been here a million times before so what was one more time? Everything was exactly the same down to the people who passed me by, the color of the cars on the street, and little patches of snow and ice building up as the flurries fell. I inwardly sighed. Just another night of reliving the nightmare that was once my reality. The Starbucks coffee I had warmed my right hand through the glove. My left hand, however, which was usually kept warm by Arthur's hand felt chilled despite the fact it was covered. My fingertips felt vaguely numb and I furrowed my brows in confusion. I opened and closed my fingers and was surprised to find myself grasping nothing but air. I glanced sideways and found now bushy-browed Briton next to me and instead found more empty air. Where was Arthur? He was always there.

I stopped walking. The projections of my dream didn't seem to notice or care. They all just carried about their imaginary business without so much as a sideways glance. I, however, looked around in search of that familiar crop of disheveled blonde hair. At first it was nowhere in sight, but as he glanced farther ahead I spotted it. That familiar lithe form all wrapped up in that pea coat with the plaid scarf trailing behind in the chilly breeze. There was no doubt in my mind that was Arthur. I think I would know what he looked like after all this time. So Arthur was there, but… I wasn't… someone else was. I didn't recognize the person; in fact, it hardly seemed like a person at all. It was just the figure of a man completely black out like he'd been colored in with a sharpie. His appearance was a little scary, but no one noticed; especially not Arthur. Arthur clung to the shadow man's hand, smiling and laughing as if they were a happy couple. I felt a burning sensation churn in the pit of my stomach. My mom always said I was sort of the jealous type.

This was wrong. This was all wrong. I had this dream all the time and never once had it changed. It was always Arthur and I in the same never ending reel of the day he died. Why was this time so different? Confused and on the brink of outrage I followed after Arthur and the shadow man, pushing past the projections of people with no care at all. I was getting to the bottom of this or my name wasn't Alfred F. Jones.

Arthur and the shadow man continued walking ahead and I could see that the intersection was coming up. I felt the breath catch in my throat and my stomach twist in fear. The dream had been different so far…. Maybe Arthur wouldn't die this time? I watched with nervous anticipation as Arthur and the shadow man crossed the busy street with no problem at all. Arthur didn't drop his watch. He didn't stop. He didn't get hit. He didn't die. Now I was seriously confused. Why was this time so different?

I started running, sprinting into the street to chase after Arthur and then… something stopped me…. Arthur's arms were around the shadow and vice versa. His eyes were lidded as his got closer and closer to the shadow. They were being so intimate and it… it made my chest hurt. It so much that I couldn't move. I grasped at my chest, clenching the material of my coat in my shaking fist. It hurt… it hurt so bad…. Why…? Why was this time so different…? I was so focused on the pain and tender look on Arthur's face I didn't even hear the beeping as it got louder and louder. Suddenly the sound enveloped me and roared in my ears. I felt my legs being swept out from under me. Pain exploded over my body and I felt as if I was falling; falling forever….

My Arthur… not my Arthur….

I woke up with a start. My body gave a harsh shudder and I found myself wrenching off the covers surrounding me as I jerked upright. My heart was beating wildly and my breath came in short, harsh gasps. My eyes darted around the darkness of the room and I realized I was in my apartment. I could feel the sweat rolling down the contours of my chest and neck as I struggled to get a grip on reality. It was a dream. Just a dream…. I breathed in trough my nose and out my mouth like I had to and soon my breathing had become a bit more easy. I held my head in my hands a few moments before running my fingers through my damp, messy hair.

What was that? I never had a dream like that one before. It had been the same for years; ever since Arthur had died. The pain still lingered in my body and ached. It had hurt… it had hurt so bad. I glanced over at the alarm clock next to my bed. I had only just then realized that it was ringing. With a trembling hand, I reached over and smacked it a few times until I finally managed to hit the snooze button. It was five o'clock. I had to get up.

I took a few more minutes to compose myself before I finally swung my wobbly legs over the side of the bed and let my feet touch the cool wood of the floor. I took another minute before I finally hauled myself up; stumbling a bit before I balanced myself out and headed for the bathroom. The fluorescent light hurt my eyes as I flipped the switched. My face scrunched up as I squinted my eyes and waited for them to adjust. I glanced over at myself in the mirror. Fuck… I looked like hell. I was all sticky with sweat and my hair was sticking up in every which direction. My face was pale which made the circles under my eyes stick out even more. I swear to god I could start seeing the wrinkles forming between my eyebrows and at the corners of my mouth. Twenty six years old and I was already getting wrinkles. Fan-fucking-tastic.

I shuddered a bit at the lingering memory of my dream. I could still feel the ghost of that pain tingling all over my body. I knew it wasn't real pain, but… hell, it sure felt like it was. Why hadn't Arthur been with me? Who was that shadow and what did it mean? I had a vague idea as I shuffled over the shower and turned on the water. I seriously needed it with how disgustingly sticky my skin felt. The memories of yesterday afternoon came back into my mind and my heart ache.

_Boyfriend… boyfriend…. That word shouldn't have filled me with this god-awful feeling of dread, but it sure as hell did. To me, that word sounded more like the judge giving me the death sentence rather than just Francis providing me with a little tidbit of information. My stomach dropped and my heart squeezed and all I could do was think… it's all over. I've lost. Francis seemed confused when I looked at him with such a horribly blank gaze and then nearly collapsed into my desk chair. _

_ It was hopeless now. This gilded dream of me sweeping Arthur off his feet and having us fall in love all over again was crumbling. Arthur had always been a bit of a grump and it was difficult to get along with him when you first met him. With that type of personality I had just assumed that he was single. He wasn't the type to easily let others into his little world of unicorns and fairies. I had pursued him for years before he finally started falling for me and that was only scratching the surface. And then I remembered. Arthur and I didn't go to the same school in this time stream. I had run off to work with NASA as soon as my time machine was finished. I had known Arthur only a year at best and even that was mostly passing hellos and the occasional conversation. The cocky, younger me couldn't be bothered with the stick-up-his-ass exchange student with the cute bushy brows. _

_ I buried my face in my hands, shaking my head back and forth slowly, "Shit… shit… shit…" I cursed to myself, completely forgetting that Francis was still in the room with me. _

_ "Uh… should I go or…?" Francis didn't seem like he knew what to do with me, then again if I were him I probably wouldn't have known either. I must've looked pretty fucking out of it. I hardly even paid attention to him; I was too wrapped up in the fact that I had just lost the only man I ever had or ever will love…. It was like being on the snowy street all over again…. Not as intense, of course, but you get what I'm talking about. _

_ "You know…" I only realized then that Francis hadn't actually left. I looked up and there he was, leaning against my desk, his eyes glowing softly under his half lidded gaze, "I had a feeling that there was something more between you and Arthur. I could see it in the way you stared." I had never been famous for my subtlety before. I guess even the look in my eyes gave me away. "Tell me, were you and Arthur ever a… an item?" _

_ As personal as the question was I answered anyway, "Well… we never actually were together," Not in this time stream anyway, "But I…. I've liked him for a long time."_

_ "I knew it." Francis sounded so proud of himself. "Leave it to me, a citizen of the country of L'amour, to know love when he sees it." I wasn't really sure what I was supposed to say to that. I think my opinion was stuck in between boasting and just plain creepy. I didn't really care for Francis' weirdness right now. I just really wanted to be alone so I could deal with my inner strife like I had been for years. _

_ "Look, I really don't feel like hearing you going on about love and crap like that right now. Can you go or something?" I snapped. He looked a bit taken aback by my attitude, but who could really blame me? If he knew the real story then he would've had his ass out the door the moment I told him to leave. Still, he lingered a bit and looked at me with his arms folded over his chest. _

_ "You know, Alfred," He started. I resisted the urge to groan. "Gregory is kind of a prick. I'm sure if you tried hard enough you could win him back." _

_ I looked up at him, "Win him back? How am I supposed to win him back when I never even had him in the first place?" I did, but that was classified information as far as I was concerned. _

_ "Details, details," He sighed as he dismissed me with a wave of his hand. "The point is, I'm sure if you set your mind to it you can get Arthur to fall for you. He and Gregory are happy, but their relationship is a house built on sand." I would be lying if I said that it didn't make me at least a little hopeful. Still, I wasn't about to stoop so low as to go and steal Arthur away from some guy I didn't even now. Francis had a bad view about a lot of people. Greg could turn out to be a way nicer guy than Francis made him out to be. _

_ "… Please… just go, will you?" Francis gave a shrug of his shoulders and a roll of his eyes. _

_ "Whatever you want. I'm just trying to be helpful is all." And with that Francis shoved his hands in his pockets and retreated back up the stairs and left without another word._

I came back to reality as I stepped into the warm stream of water from the shower. I started thinking. Would it really be possible? Could I really get Arthur to fall in love with me? Francis said his and Greg's relationship wasn't a good one, but… was he telling the truth? I had no way of knowing, now did I? I would just have to play along and see what unfolded. Greg could be a prick or he could be really nice. I had no way of knowing unless I met the guy and I had no idea how I was going to pull that off without seeming invasive of Arthur's life. I didn't want him to think I was a freak.

I tried as best as I could to push all those thoughts from my mind as I finished my morning shower and moved on to breakfast. I was busy dressed and ready to head off to teach my morning class when a heard something outside my window. It was a little pitter patter that was just barely audible over the sound of my own breathing. Soon though, it got more intense and soon rain poured down from the sky and pelted the windows. Great. Just great. Leave it to the universe to make it rain and put even more of a damper on my mood. I had to run from the front of the building to the parking lot before I practically hurled myself into the driver's seat to save my suit from getting ruined. This day definitely didn't feel like it would be any good if it was already bad from the start.

I finally made it to the university and parked in my specially marked parking space (being a professor seemed to have its perks). Just as I was about to get out of the car I realized… I didn't bring an umbrella. I inwardly cursed to myself and let my head fall against the steering wheel. I heard a car pull in next to me, but didn't bother looking up. I guessed I would have to make another mad dash for the building. Once again, fan-fucking-tastic. I was busy muttering cursed under my breath when I heard a little _tap_ at my window. I lifted my head and looked out to have my eyes match a pair of concerned green ones. I felt my heart flutter as I gazed at Arthur's face staring back at me.

I rolled down the window, "Uh… morning, Arthur…." I said, a little nervous.

"Are you alright?" He asked instantly. "I just looked over and saw you slumped over the steering wheel." He explained, glancing over me once to make sure I wasn't openly harmed.

I swallowed thickly, "Y-yeah, I'm totally cool. I just forgot my umbrella. I wasn't looking forward to a crazy sprint across campus this morning." I said with a little laugh. Arthur pressed his lips together. "  
"Well…" He began, "My umbrella is big enough for two. You're welcome to share mine if you would like." I felt my heart squeeze in my chest. He… h-he was offering to share his umbrella… with me?

"Are you sure…? I-I mean I don't wanna cause you trouble or anything." I replied, feeling my cheeks burning a bit. When did I become so nervous around him.

"No, no trouble at all. Just helping a fellow teacher." I would be lying if I said that didn't make me a bit sad. Fellow teachers… I guess that's all we were. Not even friends.

"Thanks." I said quietly as I rolled up the window and grabbed my bag. Arthur stood back as I opened the car door and climbed out. Then he covered my head with the umbrella and made sure I wasn't being poured on. Once I had closed the door behind me Arthur shifted over to one side of the umbrella so the other side could be mine. It was a bit of a tight fit, but it was better than walking in the rain. Much, much better.

We walked in silence at first. The closeness of our shoulder's made my heart beat faster. I could smell the faint aroma of his cologne. It was still the same one I remember him using so long ago and it filled me with a warm sense of nostalgia. It was nice and suddenly my morning didn't seem so awful. Still, silence wasn't the most comfortable thing for me and I had to fill it. "So," I started, dragging out the word in order to have some time to think. "That's a nice car you have. Is it a real Jag?" I asked.

Arthur hummed and nodded his head, "Yes it is." He didn't elaborate anymore. That was just like Arthur to keep things short and sweet.

"Oh, nice." I replied with a little smile. "Salary of a college professor have its benefits, huh?"

He gave another little hum, letting it channel through that cute little nose along with his breath, "That it does, but I had been saving for a long time as well."

"I bet. I remember that little lock box you had with all the pictures of Jaguars on it. You even wrote a little note to your future self reminding you not to spend the money on tea cups or tickets to a concert." I said with a little laugh at the memory.

Arthur didn't laugh. In fact, he gave me a funny look, "How do you know about that?" He asked as he arched one thick brow. "I don't remember myself showing you that box."

I felt the smile fall from my face. Shit. I must have gotten my memories from this time stream confused from the one where Arthur and I had a relationship mixed up, "O-Oh uh… I remember you told me. Must've been when we were s-studying or something." I laughed it off hoping that Arthur wouldn't pursue the idea any further. Luckily for me, he didn't.

Silence fell between us again and I struggled to find something else to talk about. I had to be careful with what I said now. "Uh… Francis tells me you're seeing someone…." I instantly regretted what I said as soon as I said it. Why the fuck was I such a moron?

"Yes, I am." He replied back, short and sweet. "What else did Francis tell you?" he half asked, half demanded. I could tell by the look in his eyes he wasn't pleased. I wasn't sure if he was upset with me for asking or upset with Francis for telling.

"Nothing much. He just said you were with some guy named Greg." And your relationship sucks, but of course I didn't say that one out loud.

Arthur frowned a little, "Yes, I am indeed seeing _Gregory_, but it wasn't the frog face's job to tell you that." He said, I could hear the bitterness in his voice.

"O-oh uh… sorry, I didn't know it was a secret…" I didn't mean anything bad by that.

"It's not a secret." He replied instantaneously, voice rising a bit in volume. Just like that I knew what it was about. I knew Arthur way better than I thought I did and I knew exactly what he was getting worked up over.

"… You're not upset that Francis told me you were gay… are you?"

Arthur's eyes widened as his head snapped around to look at me, "W-what would give you that idea? Why should I care if you know my sexual orientation?" He quickly looked away again to try and hide the blush I clearly saw on his cheeks.

Arthur had a hard time admitting he was gay when we were in college which was part of why it made it so hard for us to finally fall in love, "There's nothing wrong with that." I said. "I'm gay too." I had already known that long, long ago and had come to terms with it. I had no problem saying it or having other people know I was into other dudes.

This must've come as a shock to Arthur cause he gave me a funny look, "Really?" He asked in astonishment. "Alfred F. Jones, genius and inventor of the time machine is a homosexual?"

"I'm full of surprises aren't I?" I said with a little shrug. I guess it came a surprise to others that I was gay when I came off as the super straight type. "Yeah, figured it out at the end of high school." This was true in both time streams. I wouldn't tell Arthur, but I really started realizing my orientation after I had met him.

"Well then… I guess you just never seemed the type," I always liked it when I was right. "But… I guess life if full of surprises, now isn't it?" He said nothing after that. He wouldn't even look at me. He tried to act cool, but I could tell he was nervous. I knew all the signs. His cheeks were lightly dusted in pink, his eyes were focused intently on the ground, and I could see his pinky twitching around the handle of the umbrella.

Soon we came to the science building and he walked me up to the front so I would be sheltered from the rain."So… this is your building. I better hurry before I'm late for my own class." He said quickly, never once looking me in the eye. "Good day." With that he turned on his heel and I watched him as he retreated back through the rain and towards the English building. As I watched his slender form growing smaller and smaller I started thinking…. Why had he been so nervous when I told him I was gay…? The wheels in my mind kept turning…. Operation get-Arthur-to-fall-madly-in-love-with-me was now go.

**Phew, I wrote this all in one day. Please forgive me for not updating, but I've had some serious writer's block and have been busy as I'll be going to college very soon. Thank you all for the love you've given me for the story and this longer chapter is special for you. **

**This weekend, I attended the Otakon anime festival in Baltimore and actually got to meet the author of "Stumbeline"! I was so super excited to finally meet the genius behind the story. Getting to meet her helped inspire to finally start working on this story again. I hope she enjoys it just as much as you all! Thanks so much and sorry again for the long wait. I'll try and update as soon as I can. **

**The doujin "Stumbeline" belongs to Hakuku on deviantart **


	6. Chapter 6

I was a genius, wasn't I? I built, completed, and successfully used the world's first time machine. I was the very definition of genius. If you opened the dictionary and looked up the word my picture would be right next to it. So if I was supposed to be a genius why was I so bad at this? What was I bad exactly? Well… I was embarrassed to admit it, but I was trying to think of way to win Arthur's heart back. God Christ, why'd I keep saying 'back' when I never even had it in this time stream? Details, details I guess, but whatever. I really had to focus right now.

Okay, so I knew Arthur better than anyone. Hell, I probably knew Arthur better than that Greg dude. If there was a game show on Arthur I would probably win it. The only problem with that was… I think I would be perceived as totally creepy in this time stream. Arthur and I hadn't known each other very long in this time stream so if I went around bringing him cups of Twinning's brand Earl Grey with no sugar or cream (Because it takes away from the flavor) served in an antique Wedgwood tea cups, talking about The Who, unicorns, and embroidery I might give off an air of stalker. That would totally not be cool and would probably ruin any sliver of a chance I had of getting together with him.

I needed some training in the art of wooing and romance and… as much as I hated to admit it, I knew exactly who it was I needed to help me. "So," His voice said, smooth and airy with the most obvious bit of self-satisfaction. Francis pushed off with the balls of his feet so his swivel chair spun and he could face me. "In your search for romantic advice you have come to moi: the master of all things related with love. You have chosen wisely." I felt like gagging, but I decided against it since I was trying to get Francis to help me not hate me.

I indulged him in his weird little title, "Yeah… so, what do ya say, Francis? Will you help me or not?" I asked, pressing my palms to the surface of his desk and putting some of my weight on them. As stupid as Francis sounded it seemed like he was my only hope and after living in a place where hesitation was my downfall.

Francis leaned back in his chair, stroking the small bit of stubble on the end of his chin, "Well… as much as I would love to lend _mon cher ami_ a helping hand… what's in it for me?" He asked, looking up at me with a quirked brow.

"Really?" I let out in a sigh and ran a frustrated hand through my hair. "Okay, fine, whatever you want you got it. Money, cars whatever. I've got a lot of dough and nothing to do with it." You didn't honestly think I wouldn't be positively rolling in my money after inventing the world's first and only time machine did you?

Francis crossed one leg over the other, "Well, as nice as all of that sounds, I don't think that is exactly the kind of payment I'm looking for." What other kind of payment could there possibly be? Francis seemed like the material type and yet he didn't want any material. That came as a bit of a surprise to me. His eyes narrowed a bit and he gave me a long, cool look. I felt my throat tighten a little bit with the way he stared. "There's something else about your relationship with Arthur that you're not telling me. You two go way farther back than you would care to reveal. The reason for which I don't know, but if you tell me what exactly is going on than I would be more than happy to aid you and your stubborn mule to a happily ever after."

I should have known. Francis was a materialistic guy, but gossip counted as material just as much as designer clothes and fancy cars did.

I didn't know what to do. I started to inwardly panic. What the fuck was I supposed to tell him? I altered time and space to prevent Arthur's death? I guess it wasn't all that crazy, but I didn't want anyone else knowing. If the rest of the world found out than people would be coming to me begging to go back in time and save loved ones who have no chance of being saved. If that were to happen… God I didn't even want to know what it would do to the flow of time. I nearly shuddered at the thought.

"What are you talking about…? There's nothing else between me and Arthur. I've just liked him for a long time and want to be with him. It's like the whole one-who-got-away story." I covered up.

Francis gave me a hard look, "Pardon my language, but cut the bullshit." He said curtly. He stood from his chair, "Don't try and fool me. There is most definitely something else and I am determined to figure just what it is." He said, getting close to me as if his stare would intimidate me into talking.

My gaze flickered back and forth from his eyes to the French textbook someone had accidentally left on their desk. Fuck, fuck, fuck! He wasn't buying it! He knew something was up and he was determined to figure it out! I didn't know what to do and before my brain could come up with a better course of action, "Fine!" I blurted out. I instantly regretted it since there was no covering it up now.

Francis gave me a satisfied smirk, "I knew it." He hummed. "Well, get to it Please don't spare any of the dirty details." His smirk only grew as he sat himself down on the edge of his desk. I rolled my eyes. Well… Francis didn't need to know _everything_.

"Okay so… you know how I have a time machine…"

"Yes… yes….?" Francis asked, leaning forward out of the sheer intensity of the moment. I left him hanging in suspense to see if he would actually fall off the edge of his seat. It was that bad. It didn't happen, but I would have laughed if it did.

"Well I… I sorta, kinda, might have, maybe, accidentally, purposefully… ." I said all on one breath.

Francis gave me such a confused look. "_Q-Quoi?"_ I wasn't sure what that meant exactly, but I was sure it just expressed his confusion. "_Je suis d__é__sol__é_, but could you repeat that?"

"Nope." I replied instantly. "I told you what happened it was your own fault if you weren't listening." It was sort of hitting below the belt, but I really didn't have a choice.

"Don't try to con a conman, _mon ami_. It will not end well for either of us." Francis said as he folded his arms across his slender chest. "Why don't you try again and speak a little more slowly." He prompted, looking down his nose at me.

I puffed my cheeks out in a pout and looked back to that lost, lonely text book.

"This is your relationship on the line. Not mine. It's your choice what you want to do." Francis continued in hopes that it would provoke me.

"You're an asshole, do you know that?" I asked half-jokingly and half seriously.

"So I've been told by you and a few others. I'm not an asshole, just a man who knows how to get what he wants." He said with another one of those little smirks. It didn't seem like he was going to be giving up anytime soon. Persistent bastard. I sighed.

"Alright…" I breathed out, "I'll tell you, but you have to swear on your life and the lives of any partners, children, and relatives you may have, you got it?"

"Cross my heart." He replied as he lazily drew a little X over his chest.

"I'm serious," I snapped. "If you let any of this slip Lord only knows what it'll do to me and the future of the time machine…." It would probably kill me to have my life's worked stripped from me. But then again I invented the damn thing so they shouldn't have any right to tell me what I could and couldn't do with it. But I was getting off topic. My brain just seemed to have this horrible habit of A.D.D moments.

"Fine, fine, I swear I won't. I always keep my word." He replied. I was a bit skeptical of that, but… I had come to too many dead ends and this way seemed like the only one out. I was at a loss with everything else so it had to be done. I drew in a breath and began to talk. I'm not going to go on talking about my story with Arthur since you've already heard it a million times before already and I bet you don't want to hear it again.

I kept it pretty bare bones. I just explained about the whole accident thing, my attempts to go back in time, and then how I unknowingly saved Arthur. That was all. I didn't go into any details about the four years of mental torture I had put myself chasing Arthur's ghost. My feelings were my business and even if I was going to tell anyone Francis would be the last person I told.

By the time I had finished my little spiel Francis just looked up at me with wide eyes, mouth hanging slightly ajar. It kind of was a lot to take in on one sitting so I couldn't really blame him, but he wasn't saying anything and the silence started to get a bit uncomfortable. "So… yeah… that's pretty much it…. You happy now?" I asked as he shoved my hands in the pockets of my slacks.

Francis was quiet again and that made me shift my weight. He just kept looking up at me with those eyes. His mouth worked up and down a little bit like he was trying to say something, but the words just wouldn't come up. He tried a few more times before something finally came out, "M… _m-mon dieu_…" He said soft and shaky. I wasn't sure what that meant, but I was sure it went somewhere along the lines of astonishment.

"Yeah… I've been with Arthur longer than he knows…" I said just to fill the silence.

Francis looked down at the ground and shook his head slowly back and forth, "In all my years…" He sighed softly. "I've seen relationships come and go, but… I've never before seen one of this magnitude…" That was a strange way of putting it, but alright. "So when you saw him on that first day of school it really was like him coming back from the dead."

"Yeah…" I sighed. "I had finally come to terms with Arthur's death… I had given up on trying to save him and… and then there he was…" I couldn't even begin to describe what that felt like. It was like… my life being given a whole new meaning. It was like everything that had turned so dull and grey had been reborn in beautiful Technicolor and… God I didn't know what else. I guess you really wouldn't understand the feeling unless you've experienced the feeling itself.

"Alfred…" He began as he turned his gaze back up at me. "You've transcended and changed time for this man… I can't even begin to comprehend what you must feel for him…" He said softly.

I gave my shoulders a little shrug, "What can I say? I love him… I love him more than anything." I could feel the smile tugging up on my lips. I always felt warm and giddy whenever I thought of Arthur nowadays. It just made me feel like smiling whether I wanted to or not. "So… what d'you say…? Will you help me win him back…?"

Francis smiled, "Do you even have to ask?" He said with a little chuckle. I smiled too. Well, I had my wing-man now so now all that was left was the long and painful process to winning Arthur's heart.

"So what do I do first?"

Francis leaned back in his seat, "Well… I think you should get to know your competition first. You can't overcome the challenge if you do not know what the challenge is all about." He replied.

"Okay… so how do I do that?" I didn't even know where to begin.

Francis gave his eyes a little roll, "Silly boy, must I spell it out for you?" He asked curtly. "Here's a hint, every Tuesday and Thursday, Gregory comes to have lunch with Arthur…" He arched his brows as if prompting me to figure out the rest for myself.

I took a minute to process the little hint, "So… you're saying that I should crash in on their lunch with some sort of excuse and then get to know Greg?"

"Ding, ding, ding! Look at that ladies and gentlemen; he's more than just a pretty face." Francis proclaimed with a flourished wave of the hand. "They always eat in the same place, you should know more than anything how much Arthur likes consistency, I'll show you it later."

"Got it!" I felt so cool, like the karate kid learning the ways of Kung Fu from his sensei. Sure there was a big difference between the martial arts and courting, but details, details, I still felt pretty awesome anyway. "What's today…?" I mused out loud, thinking of when the closet Tuesday or Thursday was. Sometimes the date escaped me (I had a lot to think about you know) and I looked to Francis for help with a sheepish grin.

Francis gave me that 'Really?' kind of look, "Today is Tuesday, but it's too late to make it happen today. I suggest you prepare yourself to make your move on Thursday. It'll give you a bit of time to come up with an excuse."

I arched a brow, "But aren't you going to help me make one?" I wasn't exactly the most creative one in the bunch. I was a social kind of guy, but I could easily go from being Mr. Popular to being Mr. Socially-awkward. I didn't want to mess up my chances any more than I had already.

"No," He replied instantly. "You're going to have to figure these things out for yourself." I frowned a little. "Don't give me that look," He said as he stood up from the desk. He put a hand on my shoulder, "Alfred," He began. "Get ready for this because you're going to my prodigy."

**Woo! So, I'm sorry updates have been slow, but I'm going to college soon and life has been getting in the way. I've been on a bit of a writing kick so hopefully I'll be getting some more stuff out soon ^^  
Thanks so much for all your love and support! I would be nothing without you my lovely readers! :)  
The Doujin "Stumbeline" belongs to Hakuku on deviantart not me.**


	7. Chapter 7

It was a surprisingly nice day out considering the torrents of rain we had been getting hit with these past few weeks. It got so bad that some mornings I would wake up and believe my apartment somehow ended up under water. That would be bad. I may have made machine that could travel through time, but I still couldn't breather underwater…. Maybe that should be my next project…. But you know what they say; April showers bring May flowers. Spring was on its way and that made me happy. I really hated winter, not only because of the traumatic experiences I had during the season, but also because I hated the cold. I could stand one-hundred degree weather and feel perfectly fine, but as soon as it got bellow sixty-five degrees I was ready to kill myself.

I was walking outside, on my way to complete one very important mission. Today was Thursday and as such I was on my way to meet my rival. You know what else they say; know your enemy. Francis showed me the little indoor terrace where Arthur and his significant other would be eating on this fine day. My job was to get in there, strike up a conversation, and find out everything I could about Gregory without seeming like a total creep. I had spent all night thinking of the perfect battle strategy and I was sure that I had gotten it. This was gonna be good.

I entered the terrace as casually as possible. It wasn't over crowded, but there were a few students and other teachers sitting at the various tables with lunchtime goodies. Of course, sitting in the corner of the room was Arthur and… I think that was Greg, but I had never seen him before. He wasn't facing me so all I could see was that he had dark hair. I went up the line and grabbed myself a cup of coffee and a doughnut just to make myself seem a little less suspicious.

I gave a little glance in Arthur's direction. Man… it was still so weird seeing him. I had spent for years constantly reminding myself of the fact I would never see Arthur alive. I would only see him as a ghost held frozen in time between cardboard backing and a sheet of glass. The feeling that welled in my heart was strange and hard to explain and I had yet to figure out what it all meant.

Arthur had been my life when he was alive. I tried to spend nearly every moment I could with him by my side. All the times when he wasn't sitting at the table across from me or snuggling on the couch next to me I was always thinking of ways to see Arthur, to meet Arthur, to talk to Arthur. I loved him so dearly. And then, even when he was gone, I was still infatuated with Arthur. Finding Arthur, stopping Arthur, keeping Arthur from dying. Everything was just one big circle of Arthur.

Ever since I had met him my life had been infinitely revolving around the man and the entity that was Arthur Kirkland. He was the support in the building that was my life.

"_Oh, they build buildings so tall~" _

I wondered, when did I get like this?

I stole one more glance over to the corner of the room where Arthur was sitting. Now to just casually make my way over and-! I was too busy trying to remember everything I had planned that I didn't see the chair that the universe had placed in front of me. I crashed right into it causing quite the ruckus. The room got kind of quiet and everyone looked over at the idiot who didn't even see a chair that was obviously right in front of him. Great.

"Uh… ha-ha, got my head a little stuck the clouds… ha…" I tried to laugh it off, but no one seemed really interested and returned to their own conversations and meals. I didn't dare glance over in Arthur's direction now that I had made myself look like a moron. Abort mission! Abort mission! Now my heart was beating a million miles an hour and all I could think about was getting the hell out of there. Who the fuck was I kidding? I couldn't do this! I made a beeline for the closest exit, but before I could even make my way out a horribly familiar voice call my name.

If you're thinking that familiar voice belongs to Arthur you would be horribly mistaken. Unfortunately that familiar voice belong to Zach, the annoying student in my elven o'clock class who was only ever interested in my accomplishments and not me myself. "Professor Jones! Professor Jones!" He called eagerly as he ran up to me with a paper bag and coffee in hand.

I tried not to groan as I turned to answer his call, "Uh… hey Zach, what's up?" Might as well figure out what the damn kid wanted though I already had a feeling what it was.

"Are you busy? Are you going back to your office or something? If you aren't I was wondering if I could eat lunch with you." To be honest, I think I would have rather be covered in honey and have an army of fire ants let loose over my skin. Still, I forced a smile on my face and tried to act like I wished I was on fire instead.

"Yeah sure, Zach, that sounds awesome." I agreed. The boy's eyes lit up as if I had just totally made his life and an uncontrollable grin spread over his round face.

"R-really! That's so cool, Professor Jones! Thanks a bunch!" The two of us sat down at a nearby table and instantly Zach started rambling on about something or other. I tried to pay attention to him as best as I could, but I found trying to hold his gaze difficult. My eyes kept wandering to that isolated little corner where Arthur was laughing and talking with Mr. Tall-Dark-and-Handsome. I loved the way Arthur's lips curved carefully around every single word he uttered as if every one of them were a precious treasure to be handled with the utmost care. I loved the little amused glint that flashed in his eyes whenever he wanted to laugh, but didn't so he could remain the reserved gentleman he claimed himself to be. I loved every twist and wave of his elegant hands as he used them to further express and stress whatever it was he was talking about. All these little quirks… I knew them so well. They captivated me and made my heart swell to wonderfully dangerous proportions. He was so wonderfully endearing.

"Professor?" I tumbled out of my Arthur induced stupor to see Zach looking over at me with one dark ginger brow cocked in confusion.

"W-what?" I had to admit, the transition was a little rough. Whenever I saw Arthur I tended to let my wander into this little world of happiness and light; a world I hadn't allowed myself to be in after that same Arthur had died in the car accident. I always tended to get a bit sucked in to my dreamy little world which made me unresponsive to Zach.

Zach chewed his inner cheek a bit, reaching one finger out to poke the squishy white bread of his cafeteria bought sandwich. "You're not very subtle, are you?" he asked bluntly as his gave me a little look from under the top line of his lashes.

I frowned a bit, "That's a little harsh…" I replied though I had been called one of the least subtle people on earth more than once and by more than one person. "Why would you say that?" I asked as he took a sip of my coffee that had been thoroughly watered down with a bit of cream and a load of generic sugar packets.

Zach looked as me as if he knew I knew what he was talking about. I didn't know what he knew, but he sure thought I knew. Now I was just sounding confusing. "You know…" Know I didn't. "You keep staring at Professor Kirkland…" He said, dropping his voice a little lower and giving his head a minor jerk in the direction of Arthur's table.

I pretended to act like I was totally wasn't just staring Arthur down and admiring the way he spoke each and every word with such delicate care or how his green eyes shone like emerald gem stones. "What? Me? Him? No, no, no I was just, uh… I was just admiring that painting that's hanging over his head. Very nice piece of art. Did a student make that? Very talented. I like art. How about you Zach? You like art? Ever been to the Met? Super cool place." I launched a battalion of questions and comments in an attempt to dissuade Zach from the path he was following. Of course it didn't work. Zach was much too sharp and cunning to fall for my little trick.

"Don't play coy, Professor?" Jeeze, where did this kid get off? If I had talked to any of my professors like this when I was in college I probably would've gotten some sort of demerit…. Wow, that made me sound really old despite the fact I was only twenty six. I didn't have a problem with being friends with my students, but I think I drew the line when they started poking into my love life. Wouldn't most people? "You've been staring at him practically the whole time I was talking. If you weren't so absorbed in staring, then what was I talking about?"

Now that I _really_ didn't know. It was true. I had been so infatuated with Arthur that I really hadn't heard a word Zach had said, "Uh… something… something about the time machine?" Which was a good guess since that was the thing Zach asked me about most.

"Nope. I was talking about my experimentation with teleportation." Teleportation? Damn. If he could pull that then he'd pretty much kick me off the pedestal of the world genius. Truth is, I don't think I'd mind if I was.

"O-oh…" Was all I said since I was bit on the guilty side now. Zach had seemed so excited about getting to eat lunch with me and I just pressed him into the background. Just blocked him out and ignored him like he wasn't worth my time. I must seem like an ass. "Sorry, Zach… it's just I… I have a lot on my mind. My whole has taken a sudden one-eighty and I'm finding it hard to figure out just which direction I'm supposed to be going in…." Which actually wasn't a total lie. Seeing Arthur back from the dead as pretty much hurled me into an unending spiral of everything confusing and then some. Then again how could it not? Seeing people back from the dead wasn't a normal occurrence even for a man with a time machine.

"S'okay…" He said with a little shrug of his shoulders. "I'm kinda used to people blocking me out. I know I talk too much and I can be kind of a smarty pants…" He brought a little smile to his lips, but it was just the ghost of one mixed in with a deeply buried hurt. "I'm used to it…." If I didn't feel like an asshole before I definitely felt like one now. He wasn't trying to evoke any kind of pity or sympathy- that much I could tell. He was just a genuine kid who was genuinely hurt and that was all.

I guess I understood the feeling. Although I wasn't friendless or anything like that, but I wasn't the most popular kid in school ten years ago. I wasn't a teacher's pet, but I might as well have been. I was smarter than the other kids and they ignored me for it. They didn't want anything to do with me unless I did their homework or let them cheat off of me during a test. I loved attention, I loved being social, but I wasn't a cheat. So I only had a small group of a few okay friends that hardly stayed in touch when high school ended and that was all. Maybe that was partly what inspired me to start building my time machine. Loneliness and a general lack of things to do.

I pressed my lips together and looked down at my umber coffee through the little hole in its Styrofoam lid. Just a sliver of me was visible in the surface. Just a fraction of the whole that was myself. I suddenly saw a lot of myself in Zach. A bright, talkative boy with brains, loneliness, and a general lack of things to do. "Y'know what, Zach?" I started, looking up from the sliver of my reflection. "I really want to hear about that experiment. Why don't we head over to my office and you can show me what formulas you're working with?"

Zach's eyes lit up like the Christmas tree at Rockefeller Center, "R-really?" He asked as if he almost didn't believe what I had offered.

"Yeah, totally. Let's blow this popsicle stand." I confirmed before I stood up from my seat, taking my leftover coffee and doughnut wrapped into a nearby waste bin. Zach did the same and eagerly started gushing about the physics behind his experiment.

I looked behind my shoulder for one wistful glance at Arthur still sitting at his table speaking those carefully spoken words. I wanted to be with Arthur. I wanted to sit next to Arthur and look at Arthur and listen to Arthur and share Arthur's thoughts and feelings and emotions. I wanted to be within Arthur, take in his influence and essence and bury myself in its warmth. I had been so starved of him in the years past…. But, something told me that for now I should just leave him be. Something told me not to start rebuilding the ruble of my ruined life around the shrine that was Arthur as my support. I had done that once before and it had destroyed me in the end. Without Arthur to hold me up I was broken without any hope of being fixed.

I wanted to be hopeful that in the end my love would win out in the end. I had always been a positive thinker, but I supposed it couldn't hurt to be catious. Arthur wouldn't be my support beam he would just be a centerpiece that could come and go as it pleased. My life may be a little more dull, but not completely collapsible. I'd make my building stronger.

"_Oh they build buildings so tall~"_

**The doujin "Stumbeline" Is not owned by me. It belongs to Hakuku on deviant art! **


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